Thursday, February 24, 2011

My ideal man?

I didn't know whether to write about my perfect man, or the perfect man - so this is an amalgamation of the two, really. I did some research (well, sort of, I asked facebook) and it would transpire that face (I assume that means that they are attractive, and not that the specification is to have a face - I would hope that they all have faces) and humour are the top-ranking qualities in a man. Alongside some other answers such as 'gullibility' (from a straight man) and 'big arms'. However, here is my list:

1. Style. So that rules out silver neck chains, trouser crotches around knees and sportswear in public for me.

2. Romance. It only needs to be a bit. No, they don't need to fill a room with red roses in order to prove their undying love, but a small gesture every now and then, just to show they listen?!

3. Distance (keeping the right amount, that is). Not too clingy (If I don't text back within 10 minutes, sending another one isn't going to make me reply quicker), and not too distant (no woman is an island!!) 

4. Punctuality If anything, the girl should be late (feminism? What's that?!)

5. Good music taste. Not essential, but it'd be nice (and would obviously match me in cool stakes, which would be sky-high*).
*This may not be true.

6. A good/weird sense of humour. It is essential that he can make me laugh, and laugh at the same things I do. Even if it involves laughing at him. 

7. Preferably not own a games console. Or at least don't play with it when I'm around. I'm a real girl!! Play with me (scrabble, preferably)!

8. A bit weird?! Just a bit.

9. Has hair. Longish, preferably.

10. Likes me. Ok, so I'm scraping the barrel a bit now, I think it's time to stop...


Just in case this was unclear, it is just a bit of fun...

On repeat in my head whilst writing. 

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


This is the pits.

Is this what writer's block feels like? I feel like there is a big, fuzzy blob or cloud in my head (right behind my  left eyebrow, to be specific), and it is prohibiting me from thinking or doing anything productive. And caused me to write the last post...

Well, the environment is not overly inspiring, for a start. I keep meaning to listen to some BSM bands but this largely similar cover of 'Got to Have your Love' by Liberty X is having a snake-charmer effect on me and I am swaying from side to side, with a largely self-pitying look on my face, thinking about the consequences of staying in this room forever and becoming a fully-fledged hermit. Of course, there would be many obstacles to overcome, such as the perpetual presence of my parents, the lack of lock on this door and the fact that I might get quite hungry for the rest of my life...

That's better. Switched to Hold Your Horse Is' similar artists on, and already, I am starting to feel more alive... Blakfish came on (one of the best performances I have ever seen from a band, which is previously blogged about here) and I knew that my inspiration was on its way back. Ish. Now I must cling onto this thought long enough to muster up the energy to wash the dishes (inspiration, thy name is fairy liquid).

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I would never be friends with old me.

I just googled my name, for shits and giggles... (I don't know what I was expecting to find, really). I was such a loser teenager! All of my social networking profiles came up (should probably do something about that, privacy and that), including bebo, hi5, myspace...

Apparently I uploaded a picture of a pirate flag, with the caption 'ooh arr har har me hearties pirates rock'... I mean, come on! (I may have been sixteen but I really was incredibly uncool. My bebo page, in 'about me', I simply wrote 'I don't like you.' Who writes shit like that?! Did I want to scare people away with a pseudo-pretentious four-word sentence that I can only assume was funny to me at the time!? And the pictures... Terrible. I looked like an emo boy.

I did (guiltily) enjoy it though. An (embarrassing) trip down memory lane, which made me appreciate just how much I have changed ( I no longer look and dress like an emo boy and do not love pirates).

Still not quite cool though...

Help She Can't Swim - Fermez La Bouche

My sixth form days. Ah, nostalgia.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Ranting (a not-very-comprehensive guide)

Dear readers (whoever you are, I would love to know who you are),

I just wrote two paragraphs about all the volunteer work I'm doing/will be doing but then I remembered that I'm trying to secure new readers and not bore them to death. No, that will come later.

So I sat looking at things that other people had wrote (better than me) , and then put some music on shuffle (a mixed bag), looked out of the window (dull) and finally consulted my trusty coffee shop notebook and came across a piece I wrote on how to rant. Am I really qualified to write on this? No. Will I anyway? Yes, because I haven't any better ideas. I'll keep it short: there are three main things.

Firstly, and most importantly, it is most important to get your point across coherently. If you are too angry to write in proper sentences using correct grammar and punctuation, it will lose impact and be taken less seriously.  Passion is important, but conveying the point to others is too.

Secondly, tone is very important. It can be difficult to perfect (have I perfected mine? Probably not. Do I overuse parentheses? Definitely). The writer may be knowledgeable on the subject, and have many valid points of view, but comes across as a complete twat as he or she comes across as either condescending  or pretentious. Or both. 

Finally, it is important to determine the audience you are writing for, and which one to write for, which admittedly is difficult, as there is a) perceived audience, b) target audience, and c) actual audience to consider. For example, this blog. Hopefully I have readers. I can only hope that I don't sound like a twat (and take my own advice).

On shuffle: Badly Drawn Boy, Grandmaster Flash, The Runaways, Mclusky and Les Savy Fav

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Top #10 Facebook crimes

Well, there are more than that, but let's face it: both you, the reader, and I, the ranter, will get bored after ten. Please feel free to add more.

1. Overly soppy couples. There is an inbox feature for a reason.

2. ENDLESS photo albums. No-one wants to see 100 pictures of you and your mates being 'random'.

3. Private joke statuses that no-one else will find remotely funny/interesting. No-one else understands, why are you posting it for everyone to see? So they can see that you actually have friends, or...?

4. Relentless self-promotion. Once in a while, when you are trying to get established, ok... All the time? I stopped bothering to even click the link after the fourth time that day.

5. Those really annoying fan pages. You know the ones. Not funny, usually misspelt and full of 'I thought I was only one to think that way!!!!! Omg!!!!111111' You can't become a fan of a shit phrase. You are supposed to be a fan of a band, or an artist etc. Not 'I love my bed!' or that classic, 'Randomly laughing because you remembered something funny' (5,114,329 people like this).

6. Almost hourly life updates. Again, no-one cares if you are asleep (surely impossible if you are writing this), sooo stoked for dinner or 'at spoons wiv my girlies,  emma jones && @sally smith'.

7.  People with babies. Well, the ones who post about their every action. Well done for procreating, I don't need to know every time it has a shit.*
* This may be a slight exaggeration.

8. PlacesJohn Smith is at Tesco. Erm, great?

9. SpamHow exciting!! A private message! Who could it be?!? Oh, it's that group that I don't really want to leave, but send me about 5 messages a day. 

10. PokingWant to get in contact but are too lazy to think of anything to actually say to your friend? Then, the poke is just the action for you. 

**Disclaimer: I ain't saying I'm a saint all the time...

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Valentines Day

Unlike the rest of the single population, I don't hate Valentine's day. I am indifferent to it, mostly. Also, it's a day to laugh at other couples publicly declaring that they cannot live without their smoochy-coos (hilarious)! But srsly, I think it's nice that there's a day that's special for them (that makes "them" sound like another species, doesn't it). Everyone likes to feel special. And before you interrupt with something about hallmark and "corporate bullshit", well, card companies will try and make money out of every occasion. Stop being so sceptical and let them enjoy their day. Or sit at home with your parents and watch The Notebook and rant about how "Valentine's Day is such a sellout, man, the joke's on them", whilst simultaneously wondering why no-one's asked you to be their Valentine.

I suppose what I am trying to say is, my problem is not with the day itself, but with the childish way in which it is recieved, on both sides: on one hand are the haters. On the other, the giving of teddies (great, another sentimental item that can fall down the side of my bed to gather dust and resentment) and overly sentimental posts on social networking sites (funny for a while, but why would you want to lose all sense of individuality and make people feel sick and want to hit you at the same time?) 

So couples, I implore you to celebrate the day not with lavish gestures, swathes of flowers and dust-magnets, but to simply appreciate each other. And singles, not to be bitter or self-pitying (ok, you can pity them if you really want to pity someone). After all, it is just another day.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Festivals and stuff.

I have just been informed that I have been successful in getting my blog featured in theyoungcreatives blog, and it's not there yet, but it will be... soon...

So, despite the fact that I am completely broke and owing... a (reasonable) sum to my credit card company, the offer of another festival was too good to miss, so when my mate rang me and asked if I wanted to go to 2000 Trees Festival, the sway was too much to resist, and when the offer of discounted tickets for another festival (Y Not Festival was thrown in, well, it would have been rude to say no. With the line up of 2000 Trees featuring Los Campesinos, And so I Watch you from Afar (of previous blog fame) and Tall Ships (Read an article about them here), I knew that I had to go.

The two festivals, coupled with Glastonbury (finally) will ensure that I will have absolutely no money all summer, but it'll be an awesome three weekends...

The only drawback is, (see post below about how to stand at gigs) how will I get through three whole weekends of stumbling across minefields: standing by my tent, at casual gigs, morning and evening gigs, by the facepainting tent (not that I'll be there)?! I joke, I'll be sitting on a tartan blanket drinking tea out of a vacuum flask.

Monday, February 7, 2011

How to stand at a gig #1

Another week, I am ill (again) and another pleasant university visit (which merely makes me tired and wish I was at home eating raw vegetables. Nonetheless, I had a lovely time). 

So, music. As I get older (and poorer) I go to fewer gigs, which continues to sadden me as I appear to be making less and less effort to seek out new bands, relying on friends and sometimes, when I'm daring, 'similar artists' on Spotify or (my profile is here if you're interested). So I'm going to see Les Savy Fav in a few weeks, about which I am rather excited. And so it goes (sneaky Vonnegut reference in there), the constant dilemma at gigs of what to do (my current favourite is to stand at the back and look like I would rather be anywhere else).

But when I was, you know, seventeen, eighteen, I used to love nothing more than to jump around, sing along, hug my friends and generally look like a prat. And now, no more. Am I too self-conscious? Am I scared of getting battered by some kid doing the windmill? (Don't even get me started on moshpits) A gig I went to last year (Danananakroyd) (Is that enough nanas?) had not a wall of death, but a wall of hugs, which was really lovely, and still I could not bring myself to join in. It may have had something more to do with what I can only describe as an overgrown schoolboy leaping about in front of me acting like, well an overgrown schoolboy with ADD. Still, with the large number of dancers, I feel I should have made the effort for those lovely Scottish lads. Drinking has largely lessened my inhibitions in the past, but shouldn't I be proud, and want to dance sober? Show my love and appreciation for all of the truly amazing bands I have seen, and will see?

I can only conclude, as from previous posts, that I have got boring and/or must pretend not to care about anything. 

Or maybe I'll have a few pints before.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Les Savy Fav - The Sweat Descends
Dananananakroyd - Infinity Milk

I forgot to mention couples at gigs (As pointed out to me by a mate)! In no way acceptable are: prolonged amounts of hugging, kissing or being more interested in each other than the music. No-one wants to vomit before the decent time of 3am after ten pints and a dodgy kebab.


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