Monday, April 15, 2013

Technology Junkie

Originally posted on

Do you ever wish you could be like those idiots on films who just throw their phone into the sea? I do. Then I’ll come out in a cold sweat and hold my phone close for the next few minutes, just to make sure it doesn’t drown.

I am dependent on technology. Not only that, there perpetual stream of information that I am fed. The massive increase in people owning smartphones, iPads and laptops means that if you’re not careful, you can pretty much never switch off. If you’re not getting information, you’re probably thinking about it. Here’s a walk-through of my typical day:

Alarm on phone goes off. I don’t have an alarm clock or digital watch so if my phone breaks I’m pretty much screwed. I check my emails. There are about 6 from discount deal websites every day. I don’t unsubscribe just in case something interesting comes up. Even if it did, I’d probably never buy the deal. There are currently 105 unread emails in my inbox which are of no importance which I can’t be bothered to delete.

I get on the tube, with earphones firmly jammed in my ear. God forbid I have to hear people or anything. If I’ve forgotten to get a paper, I’ll probably text a few people or check Twitter  feeds or read some emails. Anything to avoid looking at anyone else.

I get to work. I’ll scroll through hundreds of tweets and a load of news links on Twitter/Facebook and see if there’s anything interesting I can talk about on the work Twitter. I’ll get pissed off with the Times paywall because I can’t see how much of a tool Giles Coren is being, forgetting that people used to actually buy newspapers if they wanted to read a story.

I’ll arrange to meet a mate and probably have a conversation with them over BBM or text or whatsapp or email or carrier pigeon debating the finer points of which one has the best happy hour. If I’ve not been there before, I’ll navigate my way there with my phone, even if it’s just round the corner. I might write a pithy tweet about where I am, or if something funny’s just happened. Or if  I’ve just seen a celebrity, because yes, it might make a funnier anecdote in more than 140 characters if I actually tell the story to a colleague or friend a few days later, but I want the world to know NOW because I can’t wait that long.

I might get a bit tipsy and text a few people, probably something I might not text when I’m sober, and possibly something embarrassing, but that’s ok, because the excuse ‘drunk texting’ is pretty much like a sicknote excusing you from games because you’ve got ‘women’s troubles.’ No questions asked.

I’ll go home, and watch something I’m not really watching on my laptop because apparently I can’t go to sleep without filling my mind with more stuff (probably something mindless that will not really enrich my mind or life at all, but it filled the silence whilst I was eating that kebab [which I probably Instagrammed]). I’ll check Facebook one last time (because all the important stuff happens at 2 in the morning) and set my alarm. Then I’ll put my head on the pillow and think about the next piece of new technology, that will probably download emails into my dreams and everything that I am subscribed to will finally be able to haunt me as I sleep.

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